My life is not easy to tell, nor is it exactly short in the telling...
Like most, my story begins before my own life. A young woman, age 15 or so, snuck out of her bedroom window to go to a party, and met a man who called himself Butch. It was her first sexual encounter, and was how I was conceived. During her pregnancy she wrote two letters in a small book for me. In the first I remember she told me how in love with Butch she really was... what a great man he was. In the second she was upset, lamenting that she hadn't heard from the man. Fact is the man left her, her parents wanted her to get an abortion, and she reached out to her youth minister, and the man I call my Godfather, Marvin. He told her of two people he knew who couldn't have a baby of their own, but so desperately wanted one. And so is the story of my adoption. I was adopted the day I was born, so I never met my "real" parents, and while I've sought them and want to meet them, I consider the two who raised me to be my parents.
I was home-schooled through third grade, my mother even taught me how to play the piano. But eventually I got frustrated with playing and told her I hated it and didn't want to play anymore. My parents decided I needed to learn how to have a social life, be around other kids. So they put me into a small private school, 50 kids first grade through senior year. Sycamore Christian School. How I hated it and how I missed it. Every class was like being around a bunch of siblings, we knew each other that well. I didn't date the entire time I went to school there. I wasn't really that interested in it despite a couple of crushes I had. My mother was my math and science teacher in high school and taught me well. I learned a great deal from her. I played volleyball one year and loved it, despite being a crush, and my face being a magnet for the ball.
It was in college that life changed. The first couple of years were great. More crushes, stupid kid stuff, and classes. Then I fell in love with a man named Micah. It was the start to the worst mistake of my life. We dated for two weeks and were engaged. And May 26, 2006 we were married. It was only a month or two later that he changed... and he raped me anally. It may come as a shock to you that I'm open about this. But let's face it, if you can't admit that it happened, than you can't deal with it. I went on with my life, or tried to. He never laid his hand on me again, but he became verbally and emotionally abusive, often using intimidation tactics against me. It wasn't rare for me to hide in a room or a closet to get away from him when he was angry. I kept telling myself the rape didn't happen, that it was my fault, that he loved me, and so on and so forth. You see, after the incident he was apologetic, even offered to let me go to the police and report him, to turn him in. But I told him I forgave him... and that was a mistake. In 2007 we had a huge argument and in a rage, as he accused me of not trusting him, I finally rounded on him, screaming "YOU RAPED ME!!!" at him. He responded with "It was consensual and you know it!" That was when I knew it was over and I had to get away. A year later I did, by enlisting in the active duty army. I filed for divorce that finalized February 13th, 2009. I haven't seen him since the day I left for the Military.
There's been boyfriends since then, there's been love, but nothing that has lasted. But January 1st, 2009 and August 16th, 2009 I was raped again. The last one was the worst. The man looked like my ex... and when I tried to report it the police officer looked me dead in the face and said "It was consensual." My mind went straight back to Micah and what he said. And I began to fall apart. At the end of September I hit rock bottom, and despite my roommate's aid, I had a mental breakdown and was suicidal. I submitted myself to a mental institution for treatment and was released a week later. Ever since then it's been counseling and meds.
But there is a silver lining to all this. I'm getting ready to get out of the Army, I'm looking at decent job opportunities all over the country, and I've been cleared by my doc. No more meds, no more therapy. My life is normal....
